Friday, June 5, 2009

June 5th

I struggle a little with how personal to get on this blog. It's supposed to be a happy little place where I can connect with you, show you my artwork and give you a peek into my life. But the longer I blog the harder it is not to share the sides of me that are not all light and happy and cheerful. This time I think it's worth sharing.

It's June 5th today. That probably doesn't mean much to you but it's a day that I've looked forward to with anticipation and sadness. Today was the expected due date of our first baby. There's a lot I could tell you about the experience of losing a child. Some people start up whole blogs about it just to get their feelings out and connect with others who have gone through similar pain. But that's not what my purpose is in posting today.

Instead I want to share with you what we've done and what God has done to turn our mourning into gladness. I've noticed that the old saying "when God shuts a door he opens a window" certainly seems true in my life. I do not believe that God inflicts suffering or tragedy on us. Nevertheless, in this life, we will have trouble. And pain. And heartache. And disappointment. But it seems that every time a dream is dashed and I'm mourning the loss, God drops in my lap, another opportunity, conversation or encouragement that I didn't realize I desperately needed.

The week that I miscarried the baby was also the week that I had the privilege of going to my first craft show....and it was a big one! I was working hard for months to get my turtle collection ready. It was such a great, silent desire in my heart to prove to myself that I could do this. The craft fair turned out to be a wonderful experience that gave me hope that my dream of being an artist and illustrator just might come true. You could say that while one dream was dying, another dream was just starting to grow.

There are many more instances like that. I really want something. It doesn't happen. God surprises me with joy in another way. I've decided we need to partner with God (as opposed to avoid and mistrust Him) when bad things happen and see how these hurtful, painful things will be redeemed.

As we've been going through the process of grieving and letting go these past several months I've started looking ahead to June 5th and wondering what I could do to say goodbye at last. My mind turned to how blessed we are right now. How much we have compared to the rest of the world who is hungry, jobless, homeless and hopeless. Joel and I prayerfully and financially support several organizations that work tirelessly to help those who can't help themselves. We decided to turn our loss into joy and after a little research....we found beautiful Bajantri Vimala from India. A little girl available for sponsorship from Gospel for Asia. Birthdate.... June 5.

It gives us such a thrill to honor our baby in this way. She is safe in heaven, but Bajantri needs help here on earth. We're so excited to be involved in and make a difference in Bajantri's life. In what God is doing in India. He's clothed us with joy again.

If you want to know more about child sponsorship or any of the organizations we support, please contact me!


  1. That must be so heartbreaking, I am so sorry to hear you have been through this! Yes it is really hard sometimes to decide what parts of life to share on a blog... I sure struggle with it.
    Praise God for that window opening up and giving you such a lovely talent. And Bajantri, how interesting that her birthday is the same day!

  2. The pain is real and memories are bittersweet but God is good and will turn our mourning into gladness! I love you! And baby loves you and is cheering you on from up above...fight the good fight and keep the faith! Mom

  3. I love you Elena, and I know our circumstances are not the same...but I work through sadness of not having a family or my own children. And your right if we let Him God does bring "joy in the morning".

    I sponser some children through World Vision, and feel the same, as you about that. One of the girls name is Blessing, and I knew God put her in my path, same as Bajantri for you.

    The more I get to know God the more I trust Him and love Him. I don't know what I would do without His faithful, compassionate love.

    I'll be thinking/praying for you guys,
    Love you!

  4. You're such a good, sincere and strong lady, Elena! I give you much love for you and all that you've gone through. Hope to see you this weekend at the Women of Faith Conference with your Mumsie, my Momsie. :)